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Small Steps Can Lead To Big Changes

I often hear from folks that they feel overwhelmed in the area of balancing all of life’s ‘to-do’s and pleasing their spouses. Whether their marriage is in good shape and they are trying to nurture it, or they are struggling and attempting to change it, taking time to invest in it can be a challenge. The good news is little things we do can often make a big difference! A smile, a touch, a note, a text, a small gift, or simply a thank you, can have a big effect. These small gestures say “I love/respect you”, “I’m thinking of you” and “I care”.

Intentionality in a marriage is a key ingredient, especially in a long-term marriage. It keeps the ‘love alive’, it prevents problems, and it can even help heal wounds that may have occurred.

Now that’s GOOD news and brings us hope because we can do these things with our busy lives. And there is a better chance that your spouse will return in kind. Now that would be a bonus!

Author and researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn’s, shares some findings in her book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages that back this very idea up. She refers to the small steps that keep a marriage happy as the “Fantastic Five”. Here are some suggestions as they relate to men and women.

For Men:

Hold her hand.

Leave a message, text or email and just tell her you love her and are thinking about her.

Put your arm around her, or hand on her knee when you are sitting next to her in public.

Tell her sincerely, “You are beautiful”.

Pull yourself out of your ‘funk’ when you are grumpy, or upset about something.

For Women:

Notice his efforts and sincerely thank him for them.

Say to him “You did a great job at________”.

Mention in front of others that he did well.

Show that you sexually desire him.

Show your appreciation for things that he does that make you happy.


So start with the little things today- and everyday –

and see how it blesses your marriage and comes back to you.

You will be amazed!

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